how do i start this post. no, seriously.

I.Am.A.Failure.
so here it all goes :

what's the point of studying when i fail the bio test by 4 marks? and i really hate people, softballers included, who say that they are not smart but in the end, score awesome marks. cuz you don't know, but you make me feel extremely insignificent and stupid. maybe you think that by doing that, it would make me feel better. at least im not the only stupid one and blah. maybe you think by doing that, it would make you seem more humble but NO, it will not. it will make you look like a proud fucker who is trying to fucking not show off and jibing other people in order to feel good about yourself. i rly appreciate all that you do, but don't. DON'T bother trying to comfort me, say that my failure marks are awesome and all that shit. cuz its not and i know it. the title says it all, i have nothing i want in life. i have, but its impossible to achieve it. you know, sometimes its really hard to just put on that hardened piece of mask and smile smile smile like nothing in the world can bother you. you just never bother to ask. thats the whole problem. everything is to myself, until i suspect that i can't feel anything anymore. i hate myself you know, for doing stupid things that i know are gna harm me and all but idc all the same. whats the point of caring when you know that you have alr gone beyond the boundaries. nothing can save you anymore. mental therapy, thats what i need. and you think bullshit, she is crazy. but im not. i know. and it sucks a lot to hear you prattle on and on about who you like and who you liked and who you loved and who you love and all. cuz for once i just wna get you off my mind. you're a joker who plays tricks on my heart. just for once i felt the urge to stand up and shout at you, to you that ily. but no, i dont love you. i never did. you were just smth, you are just smth that im trying to get over but havnt succeeded. yet. i will soon, i know i will. im trying so hard, so hard to concentrate during lessons, but nothing goes into my head. almost cried when i couldnt get a-math and i know that i will fail all my exams without a doubt. where is this all leading to i dont know. i have no idea. i need someone to ask me how i am, instead of me asking someone how are they. IM TIRED OF BEING THE GOOD GUY, THE GOOD PERSON WHO TAKES NOTES OF EVERYONE. IM TIRED OF BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED, BEING TRAMPLED UPON. im a human, and i get tired. im not God, i cant do miracles. i hate myself for loving to dream cuz it brings me so high up and i believe that it can all happen but in the truth, it is just a miserly dream. nothing much, just a dream. too bad i can still remember it all. i've wasted 10 minutes tping this pile of shit and how am i ever gna get it all back. idk. idc. im too tired for it all. blow me away, cuz im over the top.

im done with all that shit. and i have no idea. im gna cry.

-then up to here-